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I've continued to spend this week "puttering". As I wrote in a comment to Logospilgrim, puttering doesn't get the acknowledgment it deserves for helping us de-stress and take on a more gentle way of getting back our focus. I like puttering. It has a calming effect on me AND I always feel I've accomplished so much when I've spent time puttering!
Today, however, is for errands. I need to go into LapuLapu anyway, so might as well get the biggest bang for my bucks! Sophie needs a de-worming pill, so I'll be stopping at the vets. I also want to ask the vet about the two spots that have shown up just above her left eye and on her right hind quarter. I don't see any infection, but the fur is no longer on these two small areas, and I want to take care of it while it still looks like a small issue.
Then it's to the hardware store to pick up a few clasps...... to hold the cover shut on the box I've just finished making and the others that are in the wings waiting to be made.
I'll walk to the little mall where I usually do most of my errands and pick up scotch tape, super glue and a scrap book. Fr. Victor has a small box with about 100 pictures in it that I've noticed he enjoys looking through. I thought it might be a fun project for us to get the pictures in a scrapbook and write annotations for each. For instance, Fr. Victor really made me laugh when he looked at a picture of himself while in seminary and said: "I was so busy studying to be a priest that I never noticed how handsome I was." That line has got to go into the scrapbook!
One benefactor has come forward and agreed to lend me 50,000 pesos (about $1,200). That's about 1/3 of the way to the goal that will help me to upgrade the house I will, hopefully, be moving into in late August. If I can't find other "lenders", I will simply save the money from the third retirement check that is starting next month and use it. This would have me moving into the house just before or after Christmas.....but I put it all into the hands of the Beloved. In the meantime, I have many projects that I would like to do; getting them done while I still have the great space the boathouse provides for doing messy projects is good.
I'm reading two books right now: Wayne Teasdale's A MONK IN THE WORLD and Dee Wallace's BRIGHT LIGHT. I am finding that reading them both at the same time is quite delightful. And, I am continuing to watch presentations and discussions between people like Fr. Thomas Keating, Wayne Teasdale, Depak Chopra, Ken Wilber and others. I watched a great one and a half hour movie on Youtube yesterday called "ONE". It is a documentary done by three men who admit that they knew nothing about making a film, but they did a great job of pulling together interviews with some pretty impressive people to whom they asked questions about God and the meaning of life. It was quite wonderful. One individual they interviewed was Dr. Thurman (Uma Thurman's father) who is a former Buddhist Monk, teacher and writer. I had never heard of him before watching this film.
And so the day begins...... I guess it will be a day for a different kind of puttering perhaps.....puttering out there in the world.
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood:
content
What's going on with Livejournal? I was already logged on, yet when I went to "Post an Entry" it asked for my Username and Password again AND it seems I don't get to choose a picture to go with the entry anymore. Does anyone know what's going on?
I have to throw out a whole chicken! I cooked it yesterday, put it in a container, and left it on the counter to cool (along with a second container of the broth it cooked in). I woke up with a start this morning when I remembered that I had forgotten to put the chicken in the refrigerator when I went to bed last night. It was sitting out in 90+ degree heat for about ten hours. I looked it up on the Internet and every article warns not to eat it. I had to give my helper a stern talking to. She wanted to take it home for her children. I told her about the articles I read and that if she took it home and fed it to her children, they would get very sick. I literally watched her throw the broth down the toilet and put the chicken in the bag with the other trash. "Please God, don't let her try to salvage it when I'm not looking!"
I spent the day puttering yesterday, and that felt good. Almost all of the pieces David cut for me out of that sheet of plywood now have a coat of primer on them! I will prime the rest of the pieces today and start doing decoupage on another box. All sorts of wonderful ideas of what I can make with another piece of plywood have been bubbling up into my consciousness. This is fun!!
There was plenty of time to go on the Internet and buy two more books. These are by Wanye Teasdale: A MONK IN THE WORLD and THE MYSTIC HEART. I'm about a quarter through A MONK IN THE WORLD and am finding it quite wonderful. I decided to purchase these books after I had seen Teasdale involved in several conversations on Youtube; one was with Ken Wilber. Later, I watched some conversations between Ken Wilber and Fr. Thomas Keating. Wow! They were all so wonderful! It warms my heart to watch conversations about Integral Mysticism. How exciting that we are breaking down barriers between people of different faiths and realizing that we have more in common than not! I've always said that it was simply the theological language that stood in our way.... that we are all on the same journey, simply using different paths.....and that no one path is better than the others. The very most we can say is that a particular path is best for US.
So, now I have six new books, all-be-it e-books. I do miss that "rich" feeling I used to get watching my bookcases begin to overflow as I continually added to my collection. And I certainly miss having bound paper between two covers in my hands. And, of course, I miss being able to underline and write in margins. Oh well.....if it weren't for my Kindle, I would be unable to read most of the books I read. It's just too difficult to get them here! I do have four books on order at the bookstore in Cebu, but their general policy is that it can take from two weeks to three months for a book order to be filled. The last book I ordered, some six months ago, never got here. So, I can't count on this latest order even actually getting filled. It's all a gamble.
Today is for a bit more "puttering". Actually, this whole week will probably be spent in puttering. You know.....things pile up and you just don't get around to them: filing receipts, re-organizing files; doing those tedious little jobs, none of which take very long, but somehow always get pushed aside. I'm also going to do a bit of baking. I've run out of my breakfast cookies!
This is my last full week at home this month. Starting on Saturday, I will be gone for nine of the thirteen remaining days of this month. I will have my new laptop with me; that will be lovely. AND, I am being shown how to rest in the Beloved, no matter where I am. I had been a bit panicked about being away from the hermitage so much this month, but the Beloved has cradled me both in my coming and in my going, and this has been good.
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood: content
I have no idea why I gave this entry the heading I did. It just popped into my consciousness. That sometimes happens; I try to trust in it, and when the entry is complete, I can usually understand why Spirit gave me that particular heading.
About two months ago, I planted a few seeds from a tomato I had in the fridge. I now have two, rather large, tomato plants with flowers on them that will soon turn into little baby tomatoes!! They got some kind of garden pest and were going to die, but then I was told to "smoke" them. Huh? Seems that gathering old leaves and sort of covering them with a coconut husk and then lighting a fire creates all smoke and no flame. This smoke gets rid of garden pests and keeps plants healthy. So now Emily, my helper, "smokes" my potted plant garden every couple of days. Live and learn!!
I have one of the boxes made from the pieces David cut out for me. First I sanded and gave each piece a coat of primer; then I decoupaged them with a lovely blue and white wrapping paper. Finally, I put three coats of clear varnish on them. The next time David came over, he nailed them together for me and I've just finished putting a last coat of varnish on the finished box. Next, I will glue four large beads to the bottom to create "legs" and put hinges on the cover and box. I will try to find some kind of clasp I can use on each box the next time I am at the hardware store. I do miss the large craft stores like "Michael's".
I have four or five more boxes of varying sizes to do up now. I suppose it will take me through the month of June to get them done. I also have a small storage cabinet (more like a medicine cabinet) for all my bottles of herbal pills and vitamins and the tabernacle to finish as well. Yup...it will be the end of June before all of these are done. But there's no rush. It's very much about the process, isn't it?
Four new books are in my e-reader: THE BOOK OF HOURS, co-authored by Thomas Merton. It is an abbreviated Book of Hours and will be very helpful for me to use when I'm away for the day or overnight. Now I have both the Book of Hours and the Bible in my e-book. The other three books are by the same author, Dee Wallace: BRIGHT LIGHT, CONSCIOUS CREATION and THE BIG "E". I saw an interview with her on the Internet and was curious. I'm part way through "BRIGHT LIGHT" and enjoying it. It a wonderful reminder about how we can more consciously participate in creating our lives.
I finally got around to looking at the list of "communities" on Livejournal and decided to "watch" the Christian one. I took myself off their "watch" list within an hour! I think I need a much more eclectic spiritual community with which to relate. I so enjoy it when I read entries by my present livejournal friends that touch upon their spiritual journey. I find them to be so open and filled with curiosity about all things spiritual. I've come to be of a mind that ALL must be held with an open hand, not just our relationships with other people, but also how we relate to the world and to ideas.....and certainly to God. The minute I meet someone who seems to think they have God all neatly defined, I want to run in the other direction! Ahhhh....and then I see the real lesson in it for me in that moment.....to hold that person with the well-defined God with an open hand....and an open heart filled with love and acceptance. Now, there's the challenge!
My computer hangs on by a thread; I am thrilled and very thankful. I will buy the new laptop one day this week.
For some reason, a line from Forest Gump just came into my head: "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get"!
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood: peaceful
Well.....it was easier than I thought it would be to make two decisions.
First, I will be purchasing a new, small, notebook laptop this week. It already has Microsoft software on it. There's no internal CD/DVD burner/player, so I will purchase an external one that is about $40. I'm excited about this. I'll still use a mouse. I've never gotten the hang of simply using my finger to manipulate the curser on a laptop. Oh well.........
My second decision is that I will be going to the Hundu Health Spa on the 25th and staying until the morning of the 28th. I'm REALLY looking forward to this. For one set price, they offer a private room, meals and/or juicing, yoga instruction (one-on-one), cooking classes, meditation hall use, use of their gym and library, a consultation with their physician and any treatments you might need while there. It's VERY affordable considering what they include in the package. I plan to spend two weeks doing an extended juice fast there in either January or February of next year, so this will give me an opportunity to experience the place before committing to greater expenditure of time and money. Besides, I tried getting out my old yoga books, CD's and mat only to discover that my body just didn't want to comply. I need someone who knows what they are doing to help me to know what poses are best for me at this stage in my life.
I'm excited about my choice to go to the spa. I could also use some pointers on how to cook healthy vegetarian here in the tropics. So much of what I depended upon in the States just isn't available here. They do sell some kind of spinach here, but it's not the same as in the States, and they don't use it the same way. Very few of the greens that I used to cook with are available here. So I'm often at a loss as to how to cook healthy. There are also many vegetables here that I simply don't know how to use. I've asked people who work at the supermarket, but they often don't seem to know. Having a label on a vegetable that reads: "Asian Vegetable" just doesn't give me much to go on..... know what I mean? So it will be great to have people who are very knowledgeable about all this teaching the cooking classes.
It's a tad cooler today; probably because it rained much of last night and this morning. I do enjoy a rainy day now and then. I don't even mind the rainy season!
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood:
curious
Well, I went to a computer store yesterday and talked to a very patient and kind young man who also seemed to be quite knowledgeable. Because his input was the same as those of you who wrote to let me know your thoughts on what kind of computer I should buy, and it also felt solid to me, I've decided to go with a small laptop instead of a PC. The one I've chosen already has Microsoft Software on it, which is a plus. It does not have an internal CD/DVD player/burner, but an external one is only $40. The computer itself is just about $400. I'll be getting it next week. In the meantime, I pray over my dying PC and ask God to PLEASE let it live until I can reincarnate it into the body of a smaller, newer model. Today will be for backing everything up so that the crash is as painless as possible. I am very grateful that I have had this much "heads up" time. I have heard many horror stories about unexpected crashes that leave people with no way to retrieve their files. "Than you, Beloved"!
It comes with a one year warranty, but what surprised me was when I asked him about the life expectancy. He said it was usually between 3 and 4 years! I was aghast! The PC I have is about eight years old. I guess I should be very grateful for that, huh?
I THINK I am going to try to get away for that last weekend of this month in spite of the fact that my plans to go to Mendenoa have fallen through. I'm not sure where I will go or what I will do, but I just don't want to be here for that last weekend of the fiesta..... especially seeing that it's my birthday weekend. Part of me would like to simply go to the retreat house and spend my time reading, writing and praying. Another part of me thinks that going back to Bohol might be nice. And then, it might be a good idea to simply to go that Hindu spa for three days to do some juicing, get some yoga pointers, take a cooking class or two, and still get to do the reading and meditating I would like to do. Hummmmm........we shall see. Thank the Lord that all of these things are inexpensive enough that I can even consider doing them.
Every once in a while, I think about how I might like to move back to the States, and then I realize what I would lose if I did. In the States, I would pretty much be considered one of the elderly poor. I would probably need to live in subsidized housing for seniors and maybe even get food stamps. (Ugh!) The advantages would be: free hospitalization through the VA should I ever need it; big bookstores and libraries where I could sit and read for hours on end; and Catholic churches where mass was always dignified and quiet. These are all BIG things for me. What I can have here is also BIG for me: most of my doctors here don't charge me for their services; I have household help who cleans, does laundry and runs local errands for me (at a salary even I can afford); I can swim whenever I like in lovely salt water; fresh fruit and vegetables are plentiful AND cheap! I love my doctors here. In the States, medical doctors think of "natural" medicine as being nothing more than folk lore. Here, doctors are well aware of how much good can be had from taking remedies made from local plants.
Being able to frequent a retreat house pretty much whenever I like is also a huge gift to me here in the Philippines. When I visit with Fr. Victor twice a month, I stay as his guest. When I go there for retreat, the cost is only 600 pesos a night (including meals); that's about $13 a night! In the States, it would cost at least $40 or $50 a night to stay at a retreat center. I may have underestimated that amount too. It's been over 10 years since I have been to a retreat house in the States. If I lived there, I doubt I would ever have the money to go on retreat.
The Hindu "Spa" is a tad "rustic", but it's also just fine. I don't need to be surrounded by the very best in order to get the benefits of a retreat or a health-get-away. It is a bit pricey, by Filipino standards; they charge a minimum of 3,500 pesos (about $80) for a shared, non-air conditioned room for a two day stay. A private room with air conditioning is 5,500 pesos (about $110.) (That's for two nights) Still a bargain. I know of a rustic "health resort" in Maine that charges $200 a day and offers a lot less! This Hundu Spa is all inclusive. The cost includes room, meals, yoga classes, cooking classes, meditation instruction (if needed); a consultation with the doctor, and any special treatments you might need while there. Nice!
So..... when I look at the kind of lifestyle I feel called to and want, the Philippines is the nearly perfect place for me to be. I don't like "western medicine", but "alternative" medicine is VERY expensive in the States. Here, it is very easy, and affordable, to have good alternative health care. It is a great blessing. It feels very sad when I see Filipinos wishing they had the money to see a western style doctor who would simply write a prescription for a pill. If they only knew how valuable what they already know about natural healthcare is! Why is it we always want what we don't have? It only leads to sadness and pain. The "gift" is in wanting what we already have.....of being grateful for it. That is the spiritual practice. That is also where we can find joy.
This next week is for getting lots of paper work done......and for "crafting". It needs to be a relatively quiet week. I need that with all the scurrying about I have done, and will continue to be doing, this month. May is turning out to be a "fun" month (mostly). June will be, (hopefully) a quiet month. To everything there is a season! I am enjoying the "fun". I am also looking forward to the "quiet". Nice!
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood: cheerful
Well, I am faced with needing to get a new computer and need some advice. I thought that perhaps one of you might know more than I about such things and be willing to throw in your proverbial "two cents" worth. (Or is it up to a dime with inflation and all?)
My computer is dying and I will probably be buying a new one next week. I have four choices:
1. Used PC
2. New PC
3. Used laptop
4. New laptop
So that's the first choice. Someone told me not to borrow trouble and to buy new. I am so inclined, but do want to do this as inexpensively as possible.
Then....once I decide, what do I look for? Again.......the least expensive possible.
Any ideas?
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood: confused
Over this past week, it has felt as though I have been walking through butter. Since hearing about my mother's death, I have cried and moaned, been moved into a place of rage, felt alone and frightened and found pockets of peace. I would imagine that, under the circumstances, this is a pretty normal reaction.
I spent last Sunday and Monday morning with Fr. Victor. As always, we had a gentle visit with one another.
On Tuesday morning, I met my friends, David and Maria, at the pier at 7:30, and we took the pump boat over to Lapu Lapu in order to catch the boat to Bahal. Unfortunately, we should have taken the ferry from Cebu, so instead of landing where we had planned, we docked at a landing at least a two hour drive from where we had wanted to be. Getting to our intended destination took up the whole morning and early afternoon. We only had time to check into our hotel, take showers, eat a late lunch/early dinner and go back to our room for some much needed rest. We only had one full day there and ended up going to a really lovely beach and out to a delightful organic restaurant. We had just enough time left to visit St. Joseph's Cathedral before going back to our room. This trip ended up being about learning the geography of the island, finding out the best way to get around (hiring a car and driver for the day) and what we can plan to see during our next trip, which we hope will be next February or March.
I did buy some wonderful honey-butter at the organic restaurant. It is owned by the " Bee Farm", which is a highlight I want to visit on my next trip to this island. We discovered that it's not far from the beach we had been to for swimming! We were also told that the dinner cruise down the river is quite wonderful as well. So.....there will be lots to do on our next trip.
My computer seems to be dying. I'm only getting dark-blue and white screen now.....and the white is not bright.....the contrast is not good. AND, the computer turns off every once in a while, and I have to fiddle with a cord in order to get it to go back on. I suspect I will be buying a new computer next week. ugh!! I can hardly afford this expense right now. But is there ever a time when we would feel OK about our computers crashing?
When I got home today, I discovered that the "all expenses paid" offer for a trip to the island of Menenoa was really only for a mat on the floor of someone's house. We were expected to purchase our own plane tickets and pay for our share of food and travel expenses. So, I will not be taking that particular trip. It would seem that I will actually be home for much of that fiesta that my helper's community will be holding from the 18th through the 28th of this month! (Another "Ugh" here!!!) God help me!!
I am trying to raise about $3,500 U.S. for putting a bathroom into the new house. This much money would also cover upgrading the electrical system, putting a counter, sink and plumbing in the kitchen, putting up new plywood walls on the second floor, and painting both inside and outside the house. A friend has offered to let me borrow 50,000 pesos (about $1,200), so I still have to find benefactors for the other 100,000 pesos (about $2,500). This is all quite scary for me. It is a moment-by-moment effort to place my trust in the Beloved rather than panic. If you are so inclined, I would appreciate a prayer or two on this one.
So, I'm home for the next eight days. I'll go back to the Jesuit Retreat House on Sunday, the 19th. I'll be taking Fr. Victor for two doctor's appointments on the 20th, and then seeing my own doctor on the 21st. So, I will have at least a three day reprieve from the fiesta.
Life is feeling rather challenging these days. I pray for strength...... and humor...... and patience!
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood:
disappointed
Last night, I was told that my mother died last August 11th. I don't know how long the person who told me has known this. I was so stunned I didn't even think to ask this question.
My mother and I were estranged. I have, in the past, referred to myself as a "throw-away kid". There were three of us siblings; my mother threw two of us away. We were adults when this happened; each discarded separately, and for different reasons, but it still felt violent. When my father died about eighteen years ago, my mother turned her back on the whole extended family and, for all intent and purposes, disappeared from the lives of everyone except my one sibling. She and this sibling and her family moved across country and would not return phone calls from anyone "back East". Gradually, aunts, uncles and cousins stopped sending Christmas cards. And we were all left wondering what had happened. Now, my mother has taken her reasons for these choices to the grave with her.
I have done "a lot of work" around my issues with my mother: with God.....with therapists and with priests. There were major breakthroughs during my 30 day Ignatian retreat last fall. Funny, but during that retreat, I remember telling my retreat director that I sensed that my mother had died.
I am not left feeling sad thinking that now she is dead, my mother and I will no longer have even the possibility of reconciliation. I let go of the fantasy that we might reconcile while she was still alive many years ago. Instead, I have felt that perhaps the only way we could ever have reconciliation was for us to wait until she had died. I believe that souls continue to do their "work", even after they have released their bodies.
So now, hopefully, it will be possible for some healing to begin to take place between the soul who was my mother in this lifetime and me. This will require time and effort. And, I cannot be sure that, even in death, my mother might now be willing to reconcile. My prayer is that she can come to a place at which she simply wants reconciliation. This is not something I can control. It is still up to her.
I don't know what pain caused my mother to make the choices she did. I simply place her into the arms of the Beloved so that the healing can begin.
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood: sad
I was able to get the pictures put onto disc while at the little mall in LapuLapu. So.......here are some pictures of the first day of "projects".
Here's a picture of David cutting shapes out of a sheet of plywood. Hopefully, they will be transformed into lovely objects over these next few weeks.
And here's Maria mixing cement with sand and water for the first stepping stone. Ah.....this is going to become a very familiar ritual in my life over the next few months!
Here are the first two stepping stones after 24 hours of "curing". I will be able to remove them from the molds tomorrow.
And, here's Sophie, post surgery, post tic removal, post ear cleaning, and post getting a bath in the sea. This is as clean as she's ever going to get!
I will miss having this space in the boathouse for working on projects. I suspect Sophie will miss it too. When there's nobody here but us, I will close the door to the building and simply let her have the run of the place. She likes that!
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood:accomplished
I was all set to share pictures of my first two stepping stones with you this morning only to discover that the computer won't recognize my camera so that I can transfer the pictures into my files!! I need to go into LapuLapu today to do some grocery shopping. I will take the camera with me so that I can get it checked out at the camera place at the mall. Hopefully, they will be able to transfer the pictures onto a disc I will bring with me....or....better yet, figure out why my computer isn't recognizing the presence of the camera when I plug it in.
Anyway..... David was cutting out plywood for over three hours. There wasn't enough for the spice rack or the book cover, so they will have to wait for the next sheet of plywood that I buy. But I certainly have enough plywood projects to keep me busy for quite some time! I'll get started on them tomorrow.
Maria showed me how to mix the concrete, sand and water to make cement and we made the first two stepping stones. One has the word "May" on it; the other "You". I think they came out pretty well. I used marbles to spell out the words. I will use shells for those stepping stones that are "fillers" between quotes......or when there is need for more stones on a path than there are words in a quote. After mixing the cement for two stepping stones, I could see that I am going to develop some muscles in my right arm from all the mixing. That cement is heavy!
Sophie got her first dip in the sea yesterday. It was VERY hot in the early afternoon and she was panting. She had also gotten loose on Sunday and had taken the opportunity to roll around in the dirt. So, Maria and I took Sophie by the leash and made her go into the water. It didn't take but a minute for her to figure out that she loved being in the water. She was doing her little "dog paddle" in a circle and having a great time! I think that I will try to take a picture of her in the water the next time we are out there.
So.....these next projects begin! I'm excited about all that will be happening with them over the next weeks and months. My plan is to involve myself with them five or six mornings a week, and to write in the afternoon. I'll only have between two and two-and-a-half hours each morning to give to these projects, but I think that's plenty of time. I'm long past the age of being able to bear down on a job for hours on end. I just don't have the stamina for it anymore.
Well.......off to the pier. I have groceries to buy and errands to run!
May You Be Richly Blessed,
An Evolving Nun
- Mood: chipper
